The Christmas Pageant

New Links to Check Out

The Listening Program
http://www.thelisteningprogram.com/

This is something that the Speech Therapist is starting to implement in to Darren's speech sessions. The website is very informative about the benefits of this program. Darren is responding well. It seems to be very calming for him. We will be documenting his behaviors to see if it should be any everyday part of his routine.

Visual Schedules
http://www.autismnetwork.org/modules/environ/visualschedule/index.html

We are also implementing visual schedules for Darren. We have a daily calendar at home and also have a strip of pictures in the car. The idea is for him to be able to see and visualize his day...to see what happens first, next and so on. We are hoping to reduce some of his anxiety by allowing him to process and picture his day.

Check out a new play list feature that I added today. You can listen to some of my favorite songs. Trevor still sings SO WHAT all the time. It seems to be embedded in his brain. At his teacher conference I found out that he even quietly sings it at school...oops. He told me today that he wants his own ipod and cell phone. He's 5 going on 25.


Yesterday we went bowling again. But this time we played two full games. Trevor is getting really good and Darren played the whole time!!!!! We had a blast! Here's some video:

Yeah Darren!

Watch out Michael Phelps!!!!!!!!!!!!

YIKES...It's been awhile!!

And there's lot to catch up on! OK...here are some Halloween pictures. Trevor chose to be Black Spider-man AGAIN this year. Darren was a Power Ranger who carried a plastic golf club as his weapon:) and yes, I was Sarah Palin...sorry family:) We had fun...but earlier that evening Trevor started not to feel well. It went down hill from there. Which is the reason I haven't posted anything new lately. It has been CRAZY. Between Trevor being sick and Darren going through some kind of developmental overload...it don't even know how to explain it all. I think that things have settled now (knock on wood) and am seriously happy to say that we survived.

Darren has been having a tough time lately. We have had major transitioning issues when leaving Trevor's school in the morning. His awareness seem to be up again...and now with his newly found sounds and confidence, he just feels free to express himself all over the place...good and bad! He can be an absolute giggle box ...but also a very frustrated boy at times. As hard as it is to deal with...and trust me...it's been a challenge lately...I love that he has a personality and that he has that fight and determination. I was really worried about him last week. Took him the doctor twice...thinking, "what the hell is wrong with this kid?" Answer: There was nothing physically wrong. Healthy as on ox. He's a growing boy...who everyday is discovering something new. Who maybe now wonders "Where is Trevor..where did we leave him...is he ok?" Maybe now that he is being more verbal...he realizes that yelling at me gets my attention....if I yell when she is on the phone...she'll get off and play with ME...Doesn't all of this sound familiar? This is typical toddler behavior in my book. So this is all good news. Just hard to sort it all out when it's happening.

In an effort to help Darren's anxiety I decided to bring him to Trevor's Thanksgiving Feast at school. It was great! Trevor's class put on a great show and Darren seemed to really enjoy himself. Trevor NEVER gets embarrassed by Darren. He announced that his brother was here..and went on with it. Trevor handles him, deals with him, announces him , and accepts him and because of that...so do others. Now that's something to be thankful for! (And today...Darren had no transitioning issue when dropping off Trevor) like I said...who knows???

And last...but certainly not least....Darren actually swam by himself at the pool yesterday. It was a really heart warming moment. I think I was more excited yesterday than I was watching his first steps. Why? Because I have watched this determined child WANT to swim for so long now. He saw Trevor do it this summer...and I think he has just had his mind set. The adaptive aquatics program is just phenomenal. He has really been practicing and trying....but the kid weighs almost 50 pounds and has motor planning issues...and yesterday...HE DID IT!!! He was so proud of himself...he had that little twinkle is his eye. Hooray Hooray Hooray!!

SEE...told you we had a lot going on!!!!!

Classical Cardio

I finished my run on the treadmill today and felt great. God love Darren for staying by my side and cheering me on. He gives me that cute pointer finger approval...or yells at me if I attempt to stop and snag a drink of water..not kidding about that. So, I asked him if he wanted a turn. He seemed interested so I put his shoes on...mind you he's in his underpants...how perfect is that! So off he went. I then decided to turn on some classical music. Good choice. He smiled and seemed to really enjoy himself. He walked 3/4 of a mile!

BOWLING!!

What fun!!! We met Kirsten and Mer at the bowling alley and literally had a ball! Darren had never been bowling. I had a feeling he would like it and he did. The best thing that could have happened was Big Brown wiping out on the slick lane when he crossed "the line" when we first got there! He certainly didn't try THAT again. And guess who wanted to be first???? Trevor of course:) We played on a lane with the bumpers...but still....Trevor did awesome...103! That kid is ridiculous. Darren used the kid ramp to get the ball down the lane. He loved watching the ball roll down the lane and then would jump up and down when the pins would fall. Too cute. There is just something about bowling...SO fun. We topped in off with a great dinner at Artie's..YUM!!!

Fall Fun

The weekend certainly was as busy as we had expected it to be. The race was great! Of course the morning did not go as expected. Darren rarely sleeps past 6:30. So I never worry about setting an alarm of any sorts...ever. Darren is the human alarm in this house. So when I heard Jen and her friend Ang knocking on the door...I knew something was up. It was 7:20! Holy moly. Nothing like waking up, getting dressed and running a 5k! But that's what happened. Truro put on a great event that was a lot of fun for all.

The boys and I headed back to church on Sunday. Again, with great success. Darren is starting to get comfortable going to Truro in general. Last week when we dropped off Trevor, Darren decided that he wanted to check out Trevor's classroom, so he just walked right in and started exploring. It was interesting actually. He was definitely checking the place out! Then when we came back to pick up Trevor, which we have to go downstairs to do....downstairs is also where he has the WEE Worship on Sundays. Well, again he was looking around like, hey, I was here the other day. He even went into the chapel area and was walking around. Interesting. Darren seems happy in church. He likes the music and the acoustics. He likes when I sing in his ear:) He even let out some louder sounds when the music was loud. Even a blurted out a word that could have been an "Amen" but who's to know! haha Our wonderful helper was there and things seemed to go a little better this time.

Swimming lessons were GREAT! Darren did 10 times better this week! He had the same wonderful gentleman and he didn't fight it this time. He was laughing and really and truly almost swimming. He is very close. This man earned his stripes with Darren quickly and Darren made huge improvements because of it. I got teary watching it. He was trying so hard, and having fun, and not yelling MA-MA at the top of his lungs:) Trevor is learning a lot too. He's learning how to push off the wall and then swim, and how to float on his back, and just some good basic techniques. Great program!

AND the REDSKINS WON---woo HOO!

My Nike Commercial

At least that's what I pretend every time I run the trial Burke Lake, which I try to do twice a week. I pump up my ipod and hit it! Tuesday's inspiring song was "Live Your Life" by T.I. featuring Rihanna. Think I listened to that song like 4 times in a row and every time the song went "Just live your life HEY ehe ehe ehe" I would raise my left arm and pump it in the air. Even let out a HEY or a HO....loudly!!! I could care less what the heck other walkers/runners think. I enjoy my time on the trail. I try to go with the flow of the trial. Glide down the slopes...push it up the inclines. Ebb and flows...ups and downs. In the moment, I am a Nike Commercial. Just do it....Just live your life. Love it.

Thursday's run was a different story. I just kept telling myself, JUST KEEP MOVING! My body felt so blah. That's how is goes sometimes. It's a these times you have to mentally challenge yourself. Thank god for music. I am so inspired by music. So much so sometimes that I run in tempo with whatever song is playing. This weekend Jen and I are running in a 5K that benefits Trevor's pre-school. Running in an event is a totally different experience as well. Should be fun!

Busy weekend ahead. Mark returns, the Run, Birthday Party, Church-Round 2, Swim Lessons, and hopefully some good football!

Just Live Your Life!

CHURCH

I called my dad last week and when he picked up the phone I asked him, " Did you feel the heaven's shake?"

Dad: No, why?

ME: Because Trevor and I went to church!!!!

Needless to say, it had been awhile. Truro is such a wonderful community....I know that Trevor has always been comfortable there and I have always enjoyed mass when I've been. I like it there because the service is upbeat. Lots of singing. People seem happy. I just didn't know if I could really feel part of a spiritual community. I don't know where I am with this at this stage of life. But when looking through the bulletin, I noticed a program. Recreation and Respite for special needs children and their siblings....Sat, Oct. 11 from 6-9pm. HUH???? I read it again. Yes, I read it correctly. WOW...I'm impressed! I couldn't have been better timing. Mark is on a golf trip and getting a break on a Saturday, just doesn't happen. So I signed them up.

So they went last night! They had sent me an agenda and form to fill out. When it asked what to do when behaviors should arise..I laughed and thought...I don't have enough pages to explain the various tactics. So I kept it simple. I found that these volunteers/buddies were phenomenal. As I walked in to pick them up, I instantly was surrounded by people telling me how wonderful they did. What a good sweet boy Trevor was. I listened and thanked everyone for their kindness...but didn't see Darren. I look on the little stage and I see a boy...probably around 8 years old...playing with Darren. Taking time to PLAY with Darren. I froze. Darren was laughing...didn't even know I was there. One of the volunteers then came up to me and just started telling me everything about the night...some transition problems for Darren...boo-boo for Trevor...but all were wonderful...accepting...and so very kind.

As we gather to leave. I see someone approaching me. Another wonderful volunteer who at first could have been speaking in tongues because I was just so overwhelmed with gratitude and shock! She went on to ask if I ever bring them to church, and if so she would be willing to help out and be Darren's buddy. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE! Is what I am thinking....she wants me to bring Darren to church???? Is the congregation ready??? hahaha SO, I said yes. If you are willing to help me, I will be here tomorrow at 8:30.

And we did, and there she was. As soon as she spotted us she came over to sit with us. WHAT? Darren was doing so well. We just had to make it through the first reading and then they are taken downstairs to WEE WORSHIP....how cute is that???? Darren liked the music...was jumping around, but quiet. Of course, there was an older gentleman that turned to him and said, "now go and sit down" ..........Typical:)! So, my new helper signaled to me and said kindly, "let's head down there a little early to give Darren time to get adjusted." WOW

(I am sorry to get into so much detail, but it is helping me process what just happened today. Its was just awesome)

The little chapel was set up for these little tykes...and the volunteers were ready and willing and KIND...so kind. I stay for a minute and then go....trusting that my new helper can handle it....and wants to handle it. I swallow hard and return to church. Where the priest delivers a wonderful homily about how easy it is to judge and complain...but how important it is...to do as Noah did...and build an Arc. Be a leader. Do what you are called to do. Make a difference...don't judge others....make others lives better...easier...help them. GULP...

Time now to go get them. As I walk down the stairs I pray...please let there be silence. Again, I walk in to a supportive room. Where my helper says....all in all I give him an A+! Wait, what??? They liked him....they spoke so kindly of him. I know from Trevor that he struggled a bit during chapel time....but they accepted him. I felt like I couldn't breathe. Trevor was happy and had done a reading at chapel time. Couldn't breathe. THEN my helper says...OK let's go back to church!

And so we did. They did great. Darren sat on my lap and was happy. Trevor was a good boy as always. I even went to communion...and the boys came with me...and the woman asked if she could bless the boys. GULP....I felt accepted....WE were accepted, as is. It was overwhelmingly wonderful. This new person made a real difference in my life today. For that, I am thankful. Don't know what lies ahead...but today was GREAT!

WOW!

Trevor is really doing well with his writing these days. They have been working a lot at school and he has been doing his "homework" everyday. As with everything regarding Trevor, now that he is interested, he is learning fast. And when you make a big deal about it...he does even better!!! Ham!!!

POOL!

Now if you can just imagine Darren's pointer finger STRONGLY pointing towards the windows/door...knowing that we have to go outside and in the car to get there. Smart child. On Sundays the boys have started taking an Adaptive Aquatics swim class. IT IS AWESOME. It is for special needs children, but since they were low in numbers, they accepted Trevor as well. They have wonderful volunteers that worked with the kids as I just waded in the pool and occasionally signaled for Darren to cut it out and be quiet. A really nice high school boy worked with Trevor. Trevor can swim...but this class takes place in the 4 ft area...no standing. So he is really learning he fundamentals of swimming. God bless the gentleman (and I mean gentle) that worked with Darren. Darren loves the water...but didn't like the idea of being separated from Mommy too much and let's just say he let everyone know! He wasn't crying...he was just being Darren. I tell ya, there was a time I never thought I'd hear ma-ma...goodness:) He was yellin it from the mountain tops that day. He'd kick a couple times...it was like SEE..I did it now give me MA-MA , MA-MA. This patient man was not bothered. He picked up on Darren quickly and would start to bob him up and down to make him laugh..and then go again. The funniest part was when they were playing red light green light. The instructor would hold up the color and the kids would have to swim. Well, it was a green light and she said to Darren, " now come on Darren, let's see some more arms" with that he had began flaring his arms from side to side. I looked at the instructor and said, " Well, you got your arms," She replied," Yes, I DID" It was hilarious.

On Wednesdays we have been going to Oak Marr just to swim and play. That has been working out really well. Trevor likes to dive and rescue Spiderman in the water....while Darren likes to initiate "Shark" by saying...ba ba ba bum....(JAWs) his version is just ba ba. Then I chase him and kiss him of course once captured. That's the latest.

I said that I would share it all........

With the good, comes difficult times. I find myself watching a shift in relationship between the boys. As they approach 5, I find good hearted Trevor longing for normal relationships with friends. I also see Darren trying so hard to connect....just a little late. It's hard as a mom to watch this honestly. I know that Trevor needs these relationships, but I also know how much Darren learns and enjoys his brother....yet Trevor needs another life outside of this...trust me...THIS I know. Maybe I am selfishly sad because I miss my partner. I have relied on my typically developmentally child too much maybe. I need to take the wheel for awhile and remember that Darren is MY responsibility....not Trevor's. I never want Trevor to feel that Darren is a burden. As we approach the school age years, I worry. I said to Mark this weekend that we need to sit down with Trevor soon and really explain Darren to him. So that when he gets to school....he knows. That is going to be hard. It makes me teary just thinking about it.

I am struggling tonight because I feel like Darren is on the verge of a major breakthrough and I feel that I am the only one who gets the privilege of seeing it on a daily basis. I bet that many other parents must share this perspective on some level.

It's hard sometimes...life is what it is. Trevor grows.....and so does Darren...just on different time schedules. Yet I have no control.....I need to just watch, trust, and learn. I'm trying...........

Chores

We have started something new around here...CHORES. Basically, simple responsibilities for which they earn stickers...which eventually leads to toys. BUT at least they are working for them!! It makes me feel better about buying them something, that's for sure. Trevor's responsibilities include:

Sleeping in his own bed-which became an issue with Mark being gone during the week and us being "team"
Homework-working on his writing and coloring
Cleaning up-toys/games/etc
Getting dressed in the morning and brushing teeth and hair

He's doing great with it...he has always loved getting stickers:)

I am working on Darren's chart. Here's a sample of what we worked on today
Sorting silverware!! Which will lead to helping unload the dishwasher:)

All this work made him very hungry!

I really don't have words for this picture. Darren was brushing his teeth this morning by himself while Trevor showed him what to do. Now, when I try to brush Darren's teeth, he's not so happy about it. He did it by himself with no problem today...with Trevor's guidance. Is Trevor proud or what????

Trevor Is Starting to Read....kinda:)

OH!!! Another new thing is that Trevor is vey interested in learning how to read. So, since he is still into Super Hero's, we have been working on two books. He has basically memorized the books and certainly can point out important words like Spider-man, the Vulture, Batman...etc. Most importantly is that he is interested in trying.

Back Into the Swing of Things

Well it certainly is back to school time and so far, the boys seem to be adjusting well. Many of you know that I had hoped to place the boys is different schools this year in an effort to make our lives a little simpler...but unfortunately those plans did not come to be. But we are making the best out the situation. Trevor LOVES being back at school (Truro). This year he is in the "Transitions" class (which is a little more academically based) and attends everyday from 9:00-1:00. Some of his old friends from last year as in his class, but some old girlfriends are not in his class (Karis and Kathy) which was a bit disappointing for him at first. But was told from Karis's mom the other day that Trevor told Karis on the playground,"I still love you". So it seems that all is well. He seems to really enjoy going to chapel at school, which they do once a week. He was not only quoting bible scriptures in a tone that only Linus would appreciate, but he also said, "How come I am such a good boy at Chapel?.......is it because I am so perfect?" That is a direct quote. He is hilarious. Trevor continues to enjoy playing with his friends. The boys a couple doors down seem to be part of our family...and Trevor a part of theirs. They truly enjoy playing with each other.

Darren is 10 feet tall these days:) He is still in the PAC (Pre-school Autism Class) but this year he is at a different Elementary School. With all the transitions he has had with teachers/bus drivers/etc....we decided it was best to not put him on the bus this year. He was averaging 45 to 60 minutes each way and it just didn't seem fair. Driving and picking up at least provides one constant in his day and let me tell you....he loves it. I think he feels more relaxed with me dropping him off, and is darn happy to see me when I come and pick him up. Seeing that smile is worth it.

He is also really enjoying playing outside with the guys. He has taught himself how to ride a two wheeled scooter....and even wears a helmet!! Just yesterday he dared to put both feet on the scooter at the same time and glide along like the rest....it's amazing to me...because he has learned all of this by watching the kids to do it...not by being told what to do.



Looks like I am going to have to stop working at PVI. With all the driving and picking up at various times...it's just been harder to put in any significant hours. It's disappointing in a way...but a relief in an other. This year is just going to be a little hectic with schedules and so forth. Gotta do what you gotta do:) and Mark is still working in DE during the week. But we are making it work :)

Back to School

Week 3

The Young Athletes Camps are really coming along well. This week was certainly the best yet. I thing that the kids are getting used to the routine and the parents as well. I would like to give a big round of applause to the parents and volunteers. This isn't easy. It's not like sending Trevor to Tae Kwon Do camp for 3 hours, where I drop him and and come back and get him. The parents work their tails off in an effort to get these little athletes to succeed....even if it's one kick, or one rotation without a tantrum. I am soaking wet with sweat after circle time!!!! This week Darren for the first time actually participate in circle on his own. I was shocked. Now he didn't make it the whole time. But he happily did some of it. Then it becomes a game of run away. My strategy is to stay as upbeat as possible and I try not to let him get out of doing what I know he can do. When he starts to drop and kick in an effort to escape...I take him outside and I tell him to calm down because we are going to go back in and do this together. If when we walk back in, he starts to fuss again, I turn him around and try again. My hope is that if he comes back in the gym happy, he will participate. Keep in mind that this is only the first 20 minutes, there is still 6 rotations, parachute, and kickball/and or obstacle course to go!!!! Like I said, it's hard work. I am not the only parent chasing their child down...I am not the only one encouraging them...even when there are fussing out of pure over-stimulation. Structured chaos. I mean that in a very good way. The volunteers have been wonderful with cheering on the athletes and siblings, and parents:)

The most amazing part happened during the second part of the camp. We decided to try a game of kickball. What's amazing is that we actually were able to accomplish just that!!!! I watched each kid kick the ball and run to first. The first time around, they were a bit confused...that's when the parents and volunteers really jumped in. We had a volunteer at each base greeting these proud campers. The second, and third time around...they were AWESOME. I saw these kids running on their own to first...no parents....wow....it worked!!! Then on to second then third then home...hooray!!! And most of them just kept WANTING to go again. It was a great moment. Darren was exhausted by this point. I had worked him hard at each station this time. Lisa did make him kick it once and helped him run the bases....then he was done. He just sat there....yes....sat there and watched. Ha! Trevor, did great as well. He works hard at each station and does what he is supposed to do. Such a good boy.

All in all....it really was great.

The Olympics

There is just something so inspiring about watching the Olympics. This year even Bob Costas isn't annoying me. I was watching a swimming event while running on the tread mill yesterday and I'm the dork who runs faster....like that's going to help the swimmer win the race!!! hahaha. I love watching people compete. I love watching their demeanor. I knew Michael Phelps wasn't happy about something when he finished the butterfly yesterday...didn't know why. Turns out his goggles were leaking during the race. I watched the gymnast that really hurt the USA's chance at gold, falter twice...I think she was just trying to hard. SEE I really watch the Olympics. Like I said, I'm a sports kinda girl. I also find all the different sports fascinating. I get teary when athletes acheive their dreams...and teary when the fall short. Such is life. Life is about hard work...dreams can be acheived...yet you can't win 'em all.

Darren's new favorite word is POOL which accompanied by the cutest pointer finger ever as he points to the Olympic pool on TV. I love that pointer finger. He has just started pointing at things in the last 2 months or so. That finger makes me smile, cause he uses it with such determination and will. His vocalizations are really coming along well. His little voice when he comes in our bedroom to get me, a whispered, "ma-ma" just about melts my heart.

Trevor is my social butterfly. He loves having his friends over the house these days and he hates when the leave. Such strong connections to others. I think he is enjoying the Young Athletes Camps...although he's not quite sure if the camps are for him or for Darren. He originally called it Darren's camp...maybe because he had already been to soccer and tae kwon do camp. But I think that he is getting the picture that its really for both of them. People ask me, " What do you think Trevor thinks about Darren?" At this point, I think that Trevor just thinks of Darren as his brother. "He doesn't talk yet, but he's trying, we're teaching him...right ma-ma (no mommia these days by the way) Or "he's trying hard to talk today" then he'll tell to Darren repeat him...Darren continually repeats Trevor faster than anyone...even me. He clearly hears Trevor's voice above the rest. And as they held hands today while walking to the car, I felt thankful once again that they have each other. They are my little olympians!

Lots to Share!

It really has been a busy summer for us!

The week after soccer camp we headed to Bethany for the weekend where Trevor caught some terrible stomach flu bug. Which of course was then passed on to Darren, skipped me, and eventually got Mark a week later. NOT FUN. When all had recovered it was time to get back to enjoying our summer. Trevor has been attending Tae Kwon Do camp. This week will his third week of camp. Last Friday, he tested and received his first belt. He is officially a white belt master:) He seems to really be enjoying it, mind you that now he karate chops everything and everyone! Great job Master T!

We all survived our first week of Young Athletes Sports Camp this past Saturday. The turnout was amazing....38 kids! When we first planned all of this, I think we had agreed that we should take no more than 20. The response was so great that we hated to turn anyone down. All and all, Lisa and I were thrilled at how it went. We started off in a big group and did some circle time activities, song, dancing, stretching...etc. Then we broke them all into stations. Bowling, Basketball, Baseball, Soccer, Track, and the favorite of the day...the Obstacle Course. When observing all of this as a whole, it seems crazy honestly....and initially I got nervous. But then I started walking and checking on each group, where I was pleased to see that all was going well. Lisa had been doing the same and came to the same conclusion. PHEW! Everyone has asked, "How did Darren do?" I can honestly say that he tried and participated in every station. BUT, he did not stay in one designated area for long. He was so excited, and overwhelmed, and happy...and everything else in between. He was a live wire. Truth is, my main concern was the camp as a total this time around. I wanted to make sure that things were flowing properly and just observing it all. Trevor did great and enjoyed himself very much. Darren had a great time as well.

To me, it was a safe haven. It was great to be around other parents going through the same type issues as we are. I never felt judged....I felt like we were all in the same boat and that there was a understanding that whatever happened was OK. Trust me, I know that I don't always feel that way in public, although I have learned not to care so much about that kind of stuff. But it was nice not to worry about it at all. I watched parents clap at their child's success, and struggle with a transition or two. That's life for all of us. Doesn't make it easier really, but it did make me feel better. The kids were fascinating. As I scanned the gym, I couldn't help but smile, while sweating and trying to keep Darren in one place...there is such a need for this type of program...for the kids, for the parents, the siblings...the community. I just was so happy to be a part of it and afterwards I was SO tired....mentally and physically...but content. Next weekend will be even better:)

My Competitive Soul...Part II

I have got to admit. I am not a big soccer fan. But I also have to admit that when I watch Trevor out on that field...he fits the bill. He's quick, unlike me, and does a great job handling the soccer ball. He looks comfortable out there. This is just a little soccer camp that only last a week. How much could he learn, right??? A lot actually. Not all about soccer though. Sure he learned how to stop the ball with his foot, and knee, and chest. But he learned that there are other kids that want that ball just as much as he does and want to score just as much as he does. And the competition begins!!!! Today I watched these 4 and 5 year old children battle through the typical youth soccer ball huddle trying to get one kick...one score...one high five from a newly made friend...many of which have no idea what the others' name is:) Trevor's strategy was different. He wasn't afraid to enter the huddle of madness...but he choose to observe the madness...when he saw that the ball was going to be knocked free...he attacked. If he judged correctly, he would get the ball and head to the goal to score. If unsuccessful, he would run back to guard the goal. "Wow" I thought, " nobody taught him that". His wounded pride caused a couple of tears when his legs got tripped up with another soccer hungry tyke. I think he enjoyed the coach lowering himself to one knee to check on him. He would then pop up and carry on.

But on this particular day. Trevor did not score a goal. That's not good. As the end of camp became reality....he lingered a bit on the field. As soon as I motioned to him that it was time to find his ball because camp was over...it was time to go, in that instant, the frown appeared. He ran sadly to his ball and by the time he got to me he was crying. As I picked him up and hugged my little competitor, I smiled. I knew he was crying because he hadn't scored. When I asked him that question...he didn't answer...the cry just became more exaggerated. I put his limp disappointed body in the car and decided to try to discuss the issue further. Not as easy as I thought. Trevor is stubborn, like me, and didn't want to hear the good things that I was pointing out. So I said, "Fine then, take your shoes off and we will just toss them in the trash...do you want to quit?" With that there was a moment of silence....then, "No Mommia, I don't want to quit. " Phew!!! I could have set myself up with that question. But I knew it would get his attention...and it did. "

Bet'cha he scores tomorrow!!!

Summer Sounds

This Little Piggy:

ABC's:

I just love hearing his little voice!!!! He is trying so hard to copy Trevor with just about everything. He even picked up the PlayStation 2 remote control yesterday and pushed every button in an effort to play along with Trevor. Like I have said a million times, I am so thankful that they have each other. Our summer has been great thus far. Next week Trevor starts soccer camp and Darren heads back to school. Have a great Fourth of July weekend everyone!!

Vacation, All I Ever Wanted

Vacation had to get away...The Go-Go's certainly knew what they were talking about! We just got back from visiting my parents in NC. Every year gets better and better. I remember the first time I attempted this. Craziness. I remember thinking, "Did I really think I was going to be able to relax?" I think they were 2 1/2 at the time. NOW it's fun. The boys are great in the car and just really have a fun time when we get there. When we were there for Spring Break, Darren was potty training. THAT is still hard for me to believe. Amazing.

This trip Trevor taught himself how to swim.

It is fascinating to me to watch Trevor when he is learning a new skill. I am continually shocked at how quickly he learns things. The other neat thing about this is that Darren was trying to imitate Trevor.

All I can simply say is...we had a lot of fun.

The Sun is Setting on..........

Trevor's first venture to the beach without Darren and me. It's strange for all of us, but nice for all of us. I am enjoying my time with Darren...and I am sure that Trevor is being well taken care of by all. It's a big deal in some ways, but so important for us all. It makes me realize how much work Darren is alone and how much attention Trevor deserves. There are always times that I worry that I am not giving both of them what they need. Typical I'm sure. It's just that Trevor helps me so much, but he also drains me mentally...as any good four year should. The lesson here is.....everyone needs a break sometimes. Just a little change of pace can do a lot of good. There is a wonderful part of the normal routine that is consistent and great....but change can be good and refreshing. I am happy for Trevor, that he surrounded with people that love him. I am happy for Darren too...he can get lots of Mommy time that he really needs right now. On this beautiful evening....I am just happy

It's Official

http://www.specialolympics.org/Special+Olympics+Public+Website/English/Initiatives/Young+Athletes/default.htm

With the help, support, and backing of Special Olympics, along with POAC (Parents of Autistic Children), and the Down Syndrome Association we will running a five week program this summer!!!!!!!!!! Every Saturday in August from 9-12. This is SO incredibly exciting. The link above gives you an idea about the program. Lisa and I will be adding to it a bit by incorporating these basic skills into sports like basketball, baseball, soccer, bowling, tag, and putt-putt. This will not only be a great opportunity for Darren and Trevor, but for other families as well. Lots to do to prepare. If anyone is interested in volunteering, please let me know. We are going to need lots of hands to help these little guys and girls:)

Good News!

Ok....here we go!!! Let's see.....where do I begin???? Met with Special Olympics this week to discuss plans for sports camps geared toward the ages of 3-7. The email I got back was so positive. "A pilot program is already in place...equipment and resources in place...let's meet this week"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So we did. And it was probably one of the easiest meetings that I have ever been a part of. When universes collied...it's scary! We were all on the same page. Believe in it, want to make it work, and want to do it together. Done deal... We are trying to incorporate POAC (Parents of Autistic Children) and the Down Syndrome Association. This could be a really big deal. It is very exciting...personally and for the opportunities it could provide for Darren and Trevor. Exciting is not quite the word. We are trying to get all parties together for a meeting to confirm. But things look VERY promising....possibly something happening in AUGUST. Keep your fingers crossed!!!!!!!!!

Updates!!!!!!!!!!

It seems that there is a lot of random updates, so here we go!

• Darren is totally potty trained (OK..he wears a pull up at night) I still find this totally amazing. He rarely has an accident, and if he does it's minor. GREAT JOB BIG D!!!! He is also trying very hard to talk. The approximations that come out his mouth these days are startling!!!
• Just got the licensing agreement from Autism Speaks in regards to the cards. I have to sign it, send it back to them, and they will send the official logo that can be placed next to the cards saying that a proceed will be given to Autism Speaks!! Very proud and excited about that.
• Now that the weather is nice, we are able to play outside much more. Which means sports frenzy for Trevor. It also means a lot more time outside with his friends, which he truly enjoys. We are currently into street hockey, basketball, and baseball...gotta love it!
• Still trying to figure out a way to start some summer sports camps. Just can't seem to find a location yet. Attacking this a little last minute for this summer, but I am still working on it. I really think that this concept is a great one.
• Mark is still traveling back and forth to DE for work. We are managing fine...it's just hard on all of us...but somehow we make it work:)

Lastly, I just feel tired lately. I don't know if it is because I just have so much on my mind, or WHAT. Sometimes I feel like I get ALL of these ideas and questions and theories....and so on and so on and so on. I overwhelm myself. I somehow convince myself that everything can happen INSTANTLY. Not so. But that doesn't stop me from trying. It just teaches me to be more realistic. Whatever is ahead needs to be planned out appropriately and executed perfectly. I am just not that patient when it comes to ideas that I KNOW will work. Maybe I am half the reason why we have moved a million times:) I like to believe in things, I am not afraid of change...I am probably more afraid of NOT trying something. I like a plan....ALL about a plan. Maybe my plan needs some adjustment....maybe that will help. I just think that for the first time I feel a purpose forming for my life....and I don't know how to make it all happen. That frustration of not being able to make it happen NOW is what makes me tired.

One step at a time.

A Special Thanks

The cards are officially being sold at a very cool shop in Leesburg called "The Cottage".

www.cottageatleesburg.com

A special thanks to the owners Linda Campbell and Ann Vaughan (friends of Claudia's) for giving us this opportunity. I am very excited about it!!!! I am putting together baskets to take to some other stores as well. It's a fun and new adventure.

For Sale!!! SOON

I am VERY proud of this new adventure and would like to tell you all about it. This was a simple project that turned into something that I wasn't quite expecting. Again, just trying to roll with it. A couple of weeks again I brought out the Diego neon finger paints and was determined to have both boys sit down on the kitchen floor and do some good old, messy finger painting. Trevor was game as always. Darren wasn't quite interested at first, that's putting it kindly, but once he was MADE to do it...he tolerated it. He likes squeezing the paint out....dipping his fingertip in it....but would them want it off. It took him some time to be willing to let me put his entire hand in it and smear it around. Eventually we completed two very large pieces of paper. They were very colorful and happy...especially knowing the effort it took for the project to be completed!

Couple of days later we ripped up the artwork...on purpose, mind you. My mom is an artist who does this kind of stuff. Every time we are visiting, she takes the artwork created by the boys and turns into neat cards. Feeling somewhat inspired, I thought, "maybe we can do that too!" So they ripped up the art work the way "true artists would" and I told them to just glue the pieces on the cards. When I stood them on the counter to dry...I just kept looking at them. They were really cute! But they needed a little something. A long time ago I had purchase these little stickers at Michael's that had inspiring words and phrases on them.... Believe, Dare to Dream, Make a Wish...etc. PERFECT!!! And as l looked at each card individually, I picked the appropriate title. I fell in love with all of them. On the back of the cards I have added a picture of the boys and this little write up:
This card was created by our "Wonder Twins". Darren is autistic, Trevor is not. Yet, together they live with, battle, and break down the walls of Autism with good ole' brotherly love.
My thoughts are 1 for $5
5 for $20
8 for $25
Something like that???????????????????????????
Any money made would go towards Darren's therapies and expenses. As always...input needed.

We're Playing Bas-ket-ball

Does anyone actually know that song???

Well we have been playing basketball. Darren is definitely a post player and Trevor is a natural gunner. In my last post I was talking about sports camps for kids. So I figured I'd better put myself to the test. Can I teach Darren how to play basketball or any sport? So off to Toys R Us we went. We got a new basketball hoop, plastic hockey sticks, fresh new bouncy balls, and all other necessary equipment. The first day of basketball we were outside. The goal was for Darren to just get the ball and slam dunk it without whining. That took awhile. But it eventually did happen. So then he had to get the ball, dunk it, high five Trevor, and sit down.....with as little whining as possible. Again, it took some time. BUT he can do it. He's also a perfectionist. He has to make the shot...if he misses...he, on his own, will get the ball and try again. I liked that.

Trevor used to shoot baskets all the time as a toddler. Seriously, the kid was so good. Watch the video and see for yourselves!!! It had been awhile since we had really played, so his form was rusty. What I love about Trevor is that he really does listen to what I say...even if he's mad...or determined that he is right...he listens and eventually WILL try.

Round 2: Last night we tried again. My initial goal was to have Darren catch the ball, turn, and dunk. If he did so, he would then receive his beloved frog as a reward. I would say catch and he attempted to say CATCH. Cool. I was even more surprised when he caught it! I then told him to shoot, he did and then went to where is frog was and say, "FR-OGG". For those that have heard him say frog...it's too darn cute!!! Wow, this is working. Next he had to catch it, shoot it, get the ball, and pass it to Trevor. Mission accomplished. "FR-OGGG".

Thank god for Trevor. He is my biggest helper and support. I can't explain to you all how much this four year old helps me on a day to day basis. What a team.

Sword Fight!!

I am going to keep this one brief. Darren's imitation skills are really sky rocketing! When we are with friends now...not only does he hang around them...he is starting to participate in what everyone is playing. Great improvement. We are blessed with friends that are accepting and patient. More video to come...we are working on learning hockey, basketball, and riding a big wheel. Stay tuned!

Keep Going Home

My creative juices are flowing these days. I have SO many ideas and dreams. I watched the movie " Pursuit of Happyness" today. I never thought about the concept and reality of the actual Pursuit. So true, our fore fathers were right on. Another book that hit me hard was " I will not die an unlived life" by Dawna Markova. I feel that I am in pursuit of my purpose. So when I get these spurts...I go with it. I am trying to be in the moment. Even though I live it, I know that there is a special lesson to be learned from my boys. Their unique circumstances mean something. What if other kids and families could benefit from this type of situation. Fairfax County is wonderful. Darren is in the Pre-School Autism Class and has benefited greatly. BUT what if there wasn't the " Trevor Factor"? Darren has the opportunity to be around a same age peer all the time. Major benefit when it comes to dealing with Autism. What if other kids could have the same chance??? The idea of developing such a thing has been inspiring me lately...some sort of school or before and after school center????

I am also a sports kinda gal. What options will I have for Darren? Trevor could possibly start sports next year...what about Darren's choices??? Darren on the sidelines just isn't gonna be enough for me and it shouldn't be for any parent with a special needs child. Why couldn't they learn to play sports at an early age like the rest? Could take A LOT of practice...but what doesn't? The thought of some camps...for the younger guys...REALLY excites me.

This is what I mean by coming home...I know what passions I can bring to the table. I love sports, music, and kids. I have learned how important these early years are for kids. Childhood is so important. It's what make us, shapes us, and grounds us in the future.

Any feedback on these ideas would be greatly appreciated....SERIOUSLY

T-Bucket

Who does this to their child?

My sweet, sweet boy

Trevor....Oh Trevor. My sweet and sensitive child. His soul is kind, his determination strong. Trevor is such a little Italian boy. I sometimes say that I should have named him Carmine, or Anthony cause the kid loves pasta, makes everyone feel welcomed, and is stubborn as a mule. My grandma Rose would have loved this child. Truth is, most everyone loves this boy. There's just something about him that is special. Trevor is a feeler. He can walk into a room and sense the mood...and adjusts to it. I think he can really tell between the kids that like him and the kids who think he's too small to play ball...little do those kids know how darn good he is!!! But he adjusts. We all know the benefits that Darren is reaping because of his wonderful brother. Trevor is so patient and kind, and most importantly...accepting of his brother. He knows Darren is different in some way, but he loves him with all of his heart and soul. When TREVOR says something to Darren, Darren listens and will follow him, pee with him:), or repeat him. It's a wonderful thing to see. I also think that Trevor has benefited from Darren as well. Trevor has learned at a very early age the ability to pick up on non-verbal cues, body language, and underlying emotion. The "Autism Whisperer" of sorts. These are things that are almost impossible to teach...but he's had to adjust...and he makes it work...and because of that...he makes miracles happen. Maybe that sounds over the top. But I see it all the time.

AND Trevor loves his Daddy. They have wonderful bond and understanding of one another. I imagine that Mark was a lot like Trevor when he was young. I think that because of this, Mark is more protective of Trevor. I am probably more protective of Darren. Balance. It's what makes it all work I guess. I am already in awe of Trevor. He has more personality, and talent, and IT than I could ever imagine in a 4 year old. Proud doesn't even cut it. I can't wait to watch his life unfold....many more great things to come !!!!

It Hit the Floor, Not the Fan

I know that I said that I would be writing about Trevor next. I promise that I will. But we have some VERY exciting news to share. Last night, Darren peed in the potty 5 times!!!!!! And of course, there is a story that goes along with it. A very funny story indeed. It was around 2:30 yesterday afternoon. My day had already been scattered. So as Trevor played outside, while I unloaded groceries...Darren was playing with his toys in the other room. Or so I THOUGHT! As I rounded the corner, I sensed trouble. Darren had taken off his diaper and pooped on the floor. Not the hardwood floor mind you, the CARPET. I was furious!!!!! I must say that I think one the things that I have always done well is that I treat Darren like I would any other child. That being said, I was furious!!!! I took his hand and told him that poop and pee-pee go in the potty from now on and that he needed to sit on the potty while mommy cleaned up this mess. Needless to say, Stone Cold Darren Dieste did not move. He knew exactly what he had done and that I was mad. Potty training Darren was not on my Monday afternoon agenda. But I had to make a point. I went upstairs, grabbed some underwear, set the timer and started putting him on the potty every 30 min. Once he got there, I made him sit for 5 minutes. The determination that took over my body is unexplainable. After 2 hours of this...a miracle occurred. He went!!! I was SOOO excited, I can't believe that anyone reading this didn't hear me screaming! "YOU DID IT...YOU DID IT!!!! He was just as happy...and was attempting to say the same....DD-DD. What a moment. He peed four more times last night, and tried twice this morning. He knows it's a big deal and I can tell that he feels like a big boy. HOORAY for Darren! HOORAY!!!

Connection

No Doubt...

We belong together

Children bring such perspective to our lives. I am going to talk about just Darren today. Trevor will have his own write up next. Fair and balanced:) Amidst all that has transpired with Darren, I love this child deeply, with all my heart and soul. I admire him. I watch my four year old get on a bus everyday...and I await his big brown eyes to arrive home in the afternoon. Our connection is deep. I always say that Darren isn't a typical anything. Yes he lives with autism, but he lives. He is a happy soul, who loves to laugh and play, who kisses AFFECTIONATELY, who enjoys being around people, and who can connect with others. What is typically autistic about that? Working with Darren is such a learning experience. All children learn so differently, but Darren's delays are so obvious in certain areas. I watch him intently when I ask him to label the flash cards shown...I literally watch the wheels turn...his eyes scanning...mind processing....mouth/hands starting to move....then a response. SO much work for him. I remind myself constantly, " He can't talk" imagine how frustrating that is. The thing is, that we do know in a way. Think of all the times that we "emotionally" have things to say...but can't...due to fear of hurting someones feelings or fear of letting your true passions be revealed. WHATEVER the case may be, when the moment passes, you feel frustrated with yourself. You weren't able to speak your mind. Darren just experiences this a 100 times a day. So why is he so happy? Maybe because it's all that he has every known. Maybe because as he learns even one new sign, or makes one connection, some of that frustration is released. There's one thing for sure, he is loved, and I know he feels it. Would I like for him to talk?...of course. Will I be devastated if he doesn't....absolutely not. He already communicates so much to me and to others. I just want to make sure that we are providing him with every opportunity to reach his potential. And he's got plenty of it!!!!!

What Do You See?

No surprise, I instantly saw the profiles of Darren and Trevor. I love this picture. I was looking for something different, deeper...something to think about. I am a thinker. I expend a lot of energy on my thoughts...sometimes too much. Which may be the reason that I backed my car into a tree yesterday! Always so in thought that I forget to pay attention to details...like trees behind me. I guess I find myself on the brink of 35 wondering what this world is all about. Pondering all the phrases that I have heard a million times, but never heartfully considered.

Don't worry, Be Happy
Don't sweat the little things
Everything happens for a reason
If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all
Live a life of purpose
God only gives you what you can handle

Yes, it's that kind of day for me. Perplexed by this world. I am a believer that things happen for a reason. I am impatient though. I KNOW things will work out...but I don't want to wait too long. Then, when I start to doubt, amazingly it comes back to me full circle. I love that concept as well...coming full circle. It's like God is saying, "SEE silly...I told you it would all work out...just trust me next time". Basically JUST BELIEVE. So on this nasty, cold, and icy day, I will breathe and believe and relax to the best of my ability and try to put my thoughts to rest.

More Than Words

I absolutely find them fascinating! It's wonderful to watch them these days. They have been together EVERYDAY for over four years now, but NOW is when it is all coming together. Trevor is a wonderful brother. Darren is not a typical anything. So their magic is a miracle. We went to the mall the other day to play in the play area, which we have done many times before. But this time, they played TOGETHER the entire time. Darren wanted Trevor to chase him. Trevor obliged...they'd laugh...and did it over and over again....without words. I did intervene at one point and started making Darren say "g" for get and them put his hand to his chest to indicate "me". THEN, the chase would begin. Their laughter is contagious because it seems impossible. How do they understand each other SO well? How do they communicate without words? Darren initiates play with Trevor now, and Trevor loves it...he's been waiting for it for so long now. The time has come:) AND We are seeing such great improvement in Darren's socialization and sound production. What a TEAM!

Candy

This was taken this week! He is trying SOOO hard. Here we are working on sounds. I show him the flash card with the letter on it, and he says the sound. After he gets a couple correct, he is rewarded with candy. Listen to this voice!!!! So proud of him.

A Conversation from the Heart

As we approach Valentine's Day, I thought I'd share a conversation between Trevor and his cousin Jacob that warmed my heart. We were all in the car and unfortunately, I can't remember how it started...
Trevor may have said something like: " Ya know Darren can't talk".
Jacob: "I know, and I feel really bad for him. But he is doing so great and has come so far."
Trevor: "But we are teaching him."
Jacob: "Well even though he can't talk yet, at least he has sign language to help him tell us what he wants."
Trevor: "I know sign language"
Jacob: "I know how to sign my name" (He correctly signs each letter)
Trevor: "ME too" (He makes up every single letter :)
We all laugh!

I was touched at the realness of the conversation. Kids pay attention and notice things. Just when you think they aren't, the truth is that they already have it all figured out!

Here we are!!! Sorry it's not Hi-Def by any means, but at least this gives everyone an idea of what we are doing. Like I said before, Rome wasn't built in a day. This is on the job training for me. I am learning so much. Watching him work is so intriguing to me, keep in mind that I am a Psychology major. I am enjoying the process and learning so much about my son. I have been so stressed lately. Trying to train myself overnight, I guess. Silly. Everything takes time. I am just happy that he is responding to me well. He is sitting for a least a 30 to 45 minutes and we are figuring it out. There is a rhythm to this. Constant feedback is the hardest thing. Taping it helps me to see when I missed opportunities to praise, re-direct, or whatever. Every missed opportunity for feedback breaks the rhythm. When done well, it's like singing along perfectly to your favorite song. That's the only way I can think of explaining it. Anyways. Check it out

Rome Wasn't Built in a Day

SO many thoughts in my head tonight. Haven't been very good about taking many pictures of the boys these days so I have had to be a little more creative. This picture is actually perfect for how I am feeling today. As I have mentioned earlier, a main part of Darren's progress is due to his ABA in home therapy. Well, I have decided to start taking part in this learning process. It's one of those situations when things happen and you KNOW exactly what you have to do. I have always been interested in it, but honestly was just overwhelmed with twin toddlers and well...just that. We have all stepped up to the next level over the last year. So, it's time. I have been reading so much, and those who know me, know that I don't read a whole lot. I am becoming a student of Applied Behavior Analysis and Verbal Behavior. Once I decided to start doing this, I felt a huge amount of responsibility pile on my shoulders. Wasn't sleeping well, etc. But there is power in knowlegde. I keep telling myself, he is MY son. Why wouldn't I want to know the best possible ways to teach him and interact with him? The truth is, I am really looking forward to it. I just want to make sure that I know what I am doing. Thank goodness for friends. I have found that people that have been part of this journey, are always willing to help when called upon. Even if it's been weeks or months...it's amazing. The support has been great. I will happy to tell about some of our sessions as soon as we get going consistently. So far, he has responded well. But Rome wasn't built in a day!

Trevor is still a major super hero fan. He is already playing PlayStation 2 games like a 10 year old. His eye hand coordination is crazy good and he actually knows what he is doing. Bunckle B is is favorite person to play these games with because he knows all the tricks! He had a great time doing so this weekend. He gets so into it that he starts referring to himself and others as those particular superheros. Trevor is a 4 year old in a 10 year old body. When we all went out to dinner this weekend, Trevor had a very hard time and was acting out quite a bit. On the way home, I asked him why he was being this way. His response was great, " because I want everyone to listen to me". I was so impressed with his honestly, that I just thanked him for being so truthful. But, just like when he is at school and has to share his toys, when we are all together we have to share taking turns talking and listening. He is so fun, yet so stubborn. Amazing. I know this....they are who they are for a reason. Wonderfully different and challenging in their own ways. Never a dull moment is a common saying in our house!

Super Friends

The other day Trevor had some friends over to play. He really enjoys the Super Friends now and asked if he and his friends could watch it. Sure! So they played downstairs for some time and I kept checking on them. It was very cute actually, they would watch the show and play Super Friends at the same time. I think that Trevor was Batman. Well, Trevor, being the observant boy that he is, noticed that the Super Friends wear there "underwear" on the outside of their outfits. So to my surprise, the next time I checked on our little friends, they had all taken off their underwear, put their pants back on, and had put their underwear on the outside of the pants. I laughed histerically and was quite impressed with their creativity. Kids:)

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year to all! This obviously isn't the most recent picture of the boys, but it is one of my favorites. It's been a good year for us, yet, now that we are settled, we are looking forward to 2008. The boys are at such a great age right now. We are certainly seeing their personalities shine through. Darren is just a happier boy these days. I am not sure how else to describe it, he's just calmer, more interactive, and seems to understand so much more. The whole family seems to agree that this is going to be a good year for Darren. We have already seen great progress, that's for sure.

Trevor's personality continues to overflow beyond even his own comprehension. On Christmas Eve, Claudia, Trevor and I went to the midnight mass at Truro. When we told Trevor that we were going, he got VERY excited. He was excited because we were going to the Big Chapel, "Where the King lives!" He lasted about 45 minutes and then fell asleep in the pew...too cute.

I like the New Year...New beginnings...New goals...New vision....New things to look forward to.