AIn't Nothin' Gonna Break My Stride..

Some days I feel that I am living those Matthew Wilder lyrics....other days I feel like I still trying to find "my stride". I guess it is all part of the Journey.

We have started off the summer on the right foot. On the last day of school (which was also my birthday), I accepted a teaching position at Renaissance Learning Center. Yes, that is the school that Darren attends...the reason we moved here. It was an offer that I just couldn't refuse. This year has been such an adventure. I started off at Saks Fifth Avenue...got an aide position in the County....got a teaching position a month and a half later....and now I have been blessed with this amazing opportunity at RLC. I can't help but to feel blessed. I continue to accept the challenge of Autism. I continue to find myself wanting to learn more and be apart of the unexplained epidemic that we live with everyday. As a parent, I know that RLC is the right place for Darren. As a professional, I know that I am thrilled to apart of an amazing community that is on the right path towards helping families, teaching children, and really making a difference in the world of Autism.

This decision came with a surprise. As I sat down to talk with Trevor, I was again, shown my blessings. This eight year boy listened to me as I explained my opportunity. At first, he cried."I am just surprised, I thought you were going to be at my school next year". Yes, until this job came along, I had been slotted to remain at the school that he would attend. My heart broke...but then he looked at me with his mature eyes and said "Mommy, you need to follow your heart." Trevor and I have had some good talks in our lives, but this one tops them all. I shared with him how stressed I felt lately....how I felt like I wasn't doing enough...so busy...so stressed...so tired. He responded, "Mom, you are doing great. I am fine, Darren is fine...we are happy." Seriously???? What eight year old talks this way????? I admit that I cried a lot that night. It was a deep cry. A thankful cry. I am so thankful for this amazing child. But he was right, I needed to follow my heart.....I will always encourage him to do the same. I guess in that moment I realized that Trevor will grow up and graduate High School, go to College, and he will leave...I will always have Darren....but Trevor will fly. I just have to show him the right way to do so.....

Onward and upward......

The summer is always a time for growth. It is always a good time for me to get back on track. I already feel refreshed and determined. Darren and I have been taking our run/scooter rides daily. He rides ahead of me and has learned to stop at every corner and wait for me. It is then that I kiss him and thank him for being a great leader.  We have also been working on academics everyday. The first couple of days went very smoothly. I didn't push too hard. I complimented him and rewarded him at high intervals. But yesterday...it started to sink in. When we got to the beach in the afternoon...he starting crying...and he likes to tell me about it..."Mommy, I'm crying." or "Mommy, I want to scream." I love the warning call. He was upset. He was starting to realize that we were going to have a structured summer. He didn't run away...or hit...he held my hand and cried. THIS is progress to me.  In times past, he would have LOST it, but on this day...he was just sad....and that's OK.

Today was another story. I was able to video some of our session. I will show you some of the good first.

The iPad is such an amazing learning tool. I love this app from ilearn.

As we continued....Darren decided he didn't want to do this work anymore......

And then it hit the fan....Darren has always had behaviors. He has always shown aggressive tendencies.   I  have always been thankful for his feisty spirit. I believe that he cares. I KNOW he has personality. SO, he got really mad...and sometimes we take it out on those that we love. The hitting started slowly. He would walk up to me and hit my shoulder slightly. I was ready for this. I knew it was coming today. I sat there...didn't acknowledge him at all. The hitting got worse....and more intense. At that time I had Trevor go in his room. I told him to tell Darren to go finish his work.  I was ready this time. I was going to deal with this tantrum and succeed. I surprised Darren today by being totally calm. I ignored him. I left the table...got a soda...worked on the computer...went on with my day. During that time I created this reward sheet....a token board with a picture of the beach in the background. I am not going to lie, Darren's behaviors escalated (scratching, spitting, more hitting) . But in retrospect to the past, it was controllable. Finally I said, "E-NOUGH!" and his angry soul quieted....and we moved on. And guess what....he earned his tokens for the beach!!!!!! We pushed through and we did it....

This was him after the spell. He really is so smart. He really has made so much progress. I learned a lot today....I saw a different Darren. I was a different teacher. WE have a great future:)

Back to Trevor...He is SO creative and SO old school. Trevor still loves Godzilla and is really into making his own Godzilla movies...this isn't his first..but this is one of his best!!!!!

I just turned 39...and as my grandfather would say...I am on my 40th year.

I know that I am on the right path. I am thankful for the journey....and I am happy to learn more each and everyday.

Where Has The Time Gone????

 I can't believe it has been almost 5 weeks since my last post! I admit that teaching again has proven to be the ultimate challenge. I am learning SO much. I am trying very hard to learn Florida curriculum and policies. This has certainly been a crash course. I had my first FCAT experience and it was a stressful one, to say the least. All of it, will help me in the upcoming years...and maybe more importantly, help me to be a better informed mother.  I know that I continue to be grateful for the amazing student that Trevor has become. I love that he LOVES school and sports and tries his hardest to succeed. I admire him for that. There is so much we as parents have to teach our children. I am so lucky that there are some qualities in Trevor that were just "there". Thank god. Yes, I am hard on him at times. We spoke recently about it. Maybe I don't tell him enough how great he is, because when it was time to try out for travel baseball in the Fall, he was hesitant. I had to come clean:)...I told him that his biggest issue as a player was ME. Most parents just want their kids to go out there and have fun! I, on the other hand, want to see him turning two, striking guys out, and hitting doubles. This is not to fill any void of mine, I want this for him because I see a special quality in him. I believe in him. Just not sure I tell him that enough. I will try harder to do so...in between our practice sessions:)

And then there is Darren. I found this ESPN clip that was broadcasted last Father's Day. I remember watching this in a restaurant in Chantilly. It was the day we were leaving VA and heading to FL. We couldn't believe it. The classroom shown is Darren's current class. Those are now his friends and his teacher. Where has the time gone? We couldn't be happier that his is where he is. The future continues to look bright.

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=6673280&categoryid=2378529

I have great plans for them this summer. Darren especially.  As mentioned, working has been a challenge. I love it professionally but, feel I have lost some of my balance as a mom. Some of his behaviors need attention once again. The peeing still happens occasionally, the alien noises are still there, anxiety in the car is rough, and the obsession with the doors is a constant. My realistic goal is never to get rid of all of these behaviors...but at times, one or more becomes so dominant that it literally drives me crazy. I also know that fighting the bull is not the approach to take with him. Consistent exercise is key. For those who know him, he NEVER sits...so what I should say is extra exercise is crucial. Long scooter rides, hours at the pool or beach, ultimately help his mood and behavior. Problem these days is that he CAN talk. I want beach, I want beach, I want beach, I want beach....this trend starts at 6:30 am at times. Not sure he understands that mommy needs coffee before making ANY plans. So, yes...it is difficult to deal with. I would like to say that I answer him calmly every 100 times he asks...but it is hard. Yet, when we get there, he is his happiest. He is one with ocean and autism is out at sea. Darren is not fearful, nor is he oblivious to the power of the ocean. I love watching him take on the waves. The best is when he gets pummeled....he just gets up laughing. Shouldn't we all handle life in such a manor...get knocked down yet, get up laughing.

As the school year comes to an end....we all just can't believe how quickly the time has passed. It was a year ago that we made this huge decision and we haven't looked back. We are so hopeful that the boys will continue to flourish. We are very proud of them.  Darren is getting so tall...and Trevor so strong. My little boys aren't so little anymore. 

Lastly, thanks to those who have supported Team Journey!!!. Thank you, Thank YOU, and you too. We are thrilled with the progress thus far in our effort to raise 10,000 for the Els for Autism Foundation. This will ultimately benefit Darren since the current school that he is in now, Renaissance Learning Center, will transfer over to the Center of Excellence once it is built. This is projected to be an International Center for Autism. This is a really big deal and the reason we moved here in the first place.  A special thanks to Team Captain Aunt Cinnamon (Jen) for creating this team and getting the word out. 

Here is the link once again.

Click here to view the team page for Team Journey

If the text above does not appear as a clickable link, you can visit the web address:

http://www.elsforautism.com/site/TRteam_id=1340&pg=team&fr_id=1107&et=9mFvgXaSGepOZ2Rh7FNNxA&s_tafId=1630

Do you see what I see?

I don't always know...what you see, hear, or feel....
I may never really know.

For all that you do say,
There is more that you don't.

I believe in all that you do,
And worry endlessly about all the rest.

My heart aches for you,
My love heals you.

Patience is key,
Yet, I don't always have it.

I forget about Autism sometimes,
I just expect more....but it's always there.

I see:
Your head in the clouds.
Your head above water.
Vison in your eyes.
Strength.
Determination.
Purpose.
Love.
A confused mind.
A scar on your head...from where you tested the limits at school...and lost.
A handsome, perfect, and beautiful child.

I don't always know how to help you...
But will forever love you and try my hardest to help you meet your potential.

Dream Big Darren.
___________________________________________________________________________________

Darren On YouTube!

youtu.be/Z2DwMSnKxq4

His school participated in a Flash Mob! Darren is front and center...Literally! He is in the front row wearing a dark blue shirt. 

I watch this and I cry. I am so proud of him for participating. Yes, his teacher is holding his hand and helping him. BUT he is standing there (not running away, not fighting the process) and he is present....and in the moment. THAT is what I am most proud of.

AUTISM

Here we go again! Tomorrow is National Autism Awareness Day. Please light up the world... BLUE.  Yes, the latest studies show that 1 in 88 children have Autism
Autism Speaks reports:

Today the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) updated its estimate of autism prevalence in the United States to 1 in 88 children (1 in 54 boys and 1 in 252 girls). By comparison, this is more children than are affected by diabetes, AIDS, cancer, cerebral palsy, cystic fibrosis, muscular dystrophy or Down syndrome – combined.*

The new numbers - based on a 2008 snapshot of 14 monitoring sites - represent a 78 percent increase in autism over the previous five years. They represent a ten-fold (1,000 percent) increase in reported prevalence over the last four decades.

“The CDC’s new estimate of autism prevalence demands that we recognize autism as a public health emergency warranting immediate attention,” says Autism Speaks Chief Science Officer Geri Dawson, Ph.D. “More than ever, these numbers compel us to redouble our investment in the research that can reveal causes, validate effective treatments and guide the effective delivery of services to all our communities,” 

“The CDC numbers are alarming, yet they don’t begin to tell the story of the real families, real individuals struggling every day,” adds Autism Speaks President Mark Roithmayr. “From fighting to get a diagnosis and secure appropriate educational services and therapies, to trying to manage tremendous financial and emotional burdens or find a satisfying job opportunity, families are engaged in a daily battle against this disorder. We need to marshal the same resources and attention that the government has devoted to other diseases and disorders and finally make this a fair fight.”

This is alarming....because we live it...and wouldn't wish this life on anyone.

Autism is no joke. It is life changing...and I am just speaking for myself!!!! I can't imagine how it effects Darren every day of his life. I can't imagine how frustrated he must get. I can't imagine what goes on in his beautiful brain....I try...but everyday, I never really know.

Yesterday, I hated Autism. As I was cleaning up downstairs, Trevor was at the neighbors, and Darren was upstairs playing quietly...SO I THOUGHT. I went upstairs to check on him. Darren decided to have a pee fest. He enjoys peeing on the mirror closet doors and watching the it run down. LOVELY. It is not the first time he has entertained himself this way...but yesterday...it made me cry. As I cleaned up my son's pee, I thought "why". I put him in his room and left him there for a bit. I was sad and upset. He came out of his room and found me downstairs and gave me a hug and a kiss and said "I'm sorry Mommy". It was genuine and unprompted. Again, I wanted to cry. I have been so annoyed by some of Darren's actions lately. Increased noises, silliness, the hitting of my arm repeatedly, and then the peeing just put it over the edge. But last night I realized that it was MY attitude that was the problem. I am the one that needed to get my act together...I am his mother, his teacher, his everything....So today I started anew. 

Today, when he was silly...I asked "Are you trying to make us laugh" He surprisingly answered "Yes". I have been so intense with work lately...maybe he is trying to make me happy

The noises have always been struggle for me.   I want so much for him to use his words more effectively. But today, I sometimes copied his sounds. I spoke to him like I knew exactly what he was saying..by just looking him in the eyes and saying "ok Darren, I hear you". 

There is no manual for Autism and even if there were, I am not sure a Chapter would fit Darren's profile.

Autism to me, means hope and heartache. Heartache in the fact you see a beautiful child that can't do all of the things that you dreamed of when you planned for a family...Hope because you the opportunity to witness true miracles. It is in the gray that you find grace and healing.

I am thankful for my gift. I continually pray for strength and vision.  

After a tough loss yesterday on the baseball field...and after dealing with the whole peeing incident I looked at Trevor and said "Never take for granted your gifts. YOU have many God given talents, don't waste them...not one second of one day." He got it. He knows. Darren is part of Trevor and vice versa,

So spread the word. Autism is an epidemic. If ever there is any opportunity to support National Awareness or even just extend kindness to a stranger with whom you can tell needs support...Please do so...Make a Difference.

Thanks to everyone that has supported us. We are so grateful for your love and acceptance.

BASEBALL

I love it. When I was a little girl I loved it. I loved practice, I looked forward to games. I loved the Orioles, and we all know, I loved Cal Ripken Jr. So I find it ironic that Trevor plays in the Cal Ripken Division here in Florida. Destiny:) Playing sports to me, was everything. No one told me or forced me to feel that way, I just did. I could throw a ball against the brick wall a million times a day. I remember trying to challenge myself to throw harder or to throw it at an angle that would make the grounder coming back way out of reach...yet I would try my hardest to get there. Wiffle ball games were abundant in my backyard and early evenings at the ballpark down the street, a must.

I grew up and played on great softball teams and had the opportunity to play in some incredible tournaments across the US against some amazing athletes. Again, I loved it all.

When I coached softball at the High School level, I found it to be the greatest thrill of all. It was a chance to teach all that I had learned...to transfer all of those experiences over to some wonderful young female athletes. It was a challenge, but became a true passion. I thought nothing could ever top that experience.

Catching: First Game, First Inning

Checking out the pitcher

Watching Trevor play baseball takes me to a different place. I can't even describe the emotions that run through me. When we practice, I love throwing out little suggestions. When he is being stubborn, I enjoy challenging his competitive heart. When he is successful, my heart beams with pride. He's so old school. There's a passion in him that I remember well, but see very little of in kids these day.

Today was his first game of the season. Honestly, didn't know what to expect out of this Brewer team. It was a beautiful day and the complex was full of activity. Games on all fields...softball games on the lower fields...and most importantly, the snack bar was open for business.

Trevor was lead off and actually walked all three times at bat. He caught the first inning, and it seemed like his mind was racing. I can't help but smile when that little body comes walking out with all of that gear on, but he settles in, catches some warm up pitches, and throws it down:) The first inning proved to be a little chaotic for both teams...nerves and excitement I suppose. Trevor did a good job though. He really likes catching, he needs to work on his blocking, but all in all...not too bad. He even threw a guy out who was stealing third!

Second inning he played short, one inning at first, and then, he surprised the heck out of me. The Brewer's were up 8-6 and it was the bottom of the final inning. Each team can score 5 runs per inning, so the game was on the line. Going back a week, Trevor had pitched during a scrimmage and had not faired so well. In fact, he walked three and was yanked. So we had been working on some things this week and this would prove to be his chance to redeem himself. I don't think that coach had planned on pitching Trevor this game (I wouldn't have either after watching him at the scrimmage) but because of pitch counts and a missing teammate....Trevor got the call. And man, did he deliver. Trevor stood on that mound with such presence and determination. After his warm up pitches, I knew he was going to be ok this time around.  Actually, he was lights out!!! He struck out 3 batters to end the game. I was trying to be calm...but holy cow, that kid is too much. So when it comes to baseball, watching Trevor is what I love the most.

Are you smarter than a 3rd Grader???

Well.....I sure hope so. Life is full of surprises. I was just settling into my new position as a teachers aide and all was going smoothly. I must say that after the first week, I realized that I had learned SO much since I had last been working for the school system. I was so happy to be back...yet, I was longing for more. Soon after I started, I took one of the tests necessary to get back into the school system as a teacher. It was the Special Ed test(here it is called ESE)....and I passed...thank you Darren! I figured I would take some time to study for the Elementary K-6 test. Again, my goal was to start teaching next school year. THEN the teacher that I was working with was put on emergency bed rest due to a high risk pregnancy. I found out this information on a Thursday night...


Sometimes you can't explain fate. There was something inside me that knew I had to make my pitch to the administration. For some reason, I knew I could do it. More importantly, I knew I would be so mad at myself if I didn't at least try. But there was one obstacle. I still hadn't taken that K-6 test! The principal said she would strongly consider me for the position, IF, I could pass that test ASAP. So, I registered the next day and then headed to Miami on the following day to take a 4 1/2 test that I had not yet studied for. I went in thinking "if I pass, great...if not, at least I tried". I checked in, and was told to put my stuff in a locker...immediately I saw locker 22 was open...that was a good sign:) and then I headed in....praying all the way.


As the test progressed, I was humbled. I laughed at myself, "Who the heck did I think I was coming in here thinking I could pass this test?"...at that moment...I surrendered. I applauded myself for trying...but admitted that I was in over my head. So I continued on. I took my time, had a good system, and let the pressure roll off my shoulders...


And then I passed....


I was offered the position Monday morning....


Needless to say, it has been a complete whirlwind! My class has many challenges...but just as many strengths. SO, I am currently a 3rd grade teacher...who would have thought???? Not I. Yet, I am enjoying the challenge of it all. It is very exciting, but teaching is hard. I have great admiration for teachers. I admit, I didn't enjoy school. Now, I understand why.  The format and structure of school really never changes:  quiet in hallway, raise your hand to speak, don't talk or sharpen your pencils when the teacher is talking, the daily pledge of allegiance, chapter tests, spelling words, homework...the list goes on and on. My goal is to connect with the kids and to make it fun...gonna try at least. My social lesson of the day on Friday was "Are you gonna be a leader, or a follower?". Anytime someone acted up...I called them out. "Leader? or Follower?" The real leaders took a moment and answered honestly even when they were following the pack. Truth is, some don't even know they are leaders yet.... THIS is why teaching is so cool. 

Trevor's team, the Brewer's, have been practicing hard. They have their first scrimmage on Thursday and first game on Saturday. Go Brewer's!!!!!!!!!!!!!


This Saturday, March 10th, is also the 11th Annual Food and Wine Festival. All proceeds will benefit Renaissance Learning Center and Renaissance Learning Academy. It will feature a Live and Silent Auction, Live Music and, of course, Food and Wine. This year it is at the Downtown, which should make for a great event. 

Thanks to all that have contributed to the card sales!!!! 



Back in the Saddle Again

Trevor has his first practice yesterday, so yes, he is back in the saddle again. (Can't help but hear Steven Tyler in my head:) Honestly, can't get over how much he has improved since last season. He has matured so much. Trevor"s attitude is just different this year. He is again, one of the youngest on the team but he certainly doesn't act like it. This picture proves that exact point. So, this is the first practice, and who volunteers to catch??? Yep, Trevor. This was after taking ground balls at short and second. I not a big fan of him playing this position....it is the one position I worry about the most. BUT it is the position that I am the most proud of him playing. It shows he is tough, that he isn't afraid, and that he wants to be part of the action. So what's a mom to do??? Next practice is tomorrow. Hard to believe it is baseball season in February...but, we'll take it!!! I watch Trevor play and I feel immense pride...

Darren's spells have settled and we are feeling somewhat back to normal, whatever normal is. Never sure why, or how long these episodes will last. But I am getting better at predicting them. Darren, in general, is a happy boy. But he continues to struggle with the developmental stages that do not match his chronological age. So the growth spurts come in different forms. After the dust settles, I remind myself that he doesn't do all this it to drive me mad:)... he does these things because he is just different. He learns differently, he processes things differently, he loves intensely, and at times, angers easily. BUT, there is no one that I have learned more from.  In the car the other day I made s comment to Darren asking him not to do something or other and he responded "Knock that off Mommy, be happy" another day I handed him a piece of gum and he said, "OH thanks Mommy, I appreciate that".  Ha! He is full of surprised that kid. Trevor and I often say "if we can deal with Darren, we can deal with anyone." I think it is what has made Trevor the compassionate person that he is....and it surely has turned my world upside down and backwards..but for the better. I am thankful. Life would surely be boring without them.