This is an email that I wrote recently to Darren and Trevor's teachers and therapist.....after re-reading it again, I thought that it was a good insight into our life these days. We are all seem to be climbing to new heights:)
Hi everyone,
You all know me so well by now that I just have to be honest with you all. I am beginning to have a greater understanding of both of my children and their unique needs. I thankfully feel confident that if we can all communicate then we can all provide consistency for both.
I will start with Trevor. Honestly, I can't recall what actually started the conversation. I was sitting talking with Grandma about the behavior's that Grandma is seeing with Darren when I am gone on my weekend meetings. He is not listening and is not being compliant at all with grandma and daddy. This, along with the sports camps that he is participating in WITH Darren has started to bring new awareness.....Trevor and I are seeing a different side of Darren. A more realistic side.....maybe a more holistic side....and we are both trying to process it. Trevor, for the first time, really wanted to discuss it. I wish I could do it justice....but he spoke with insight and perspective and compassion and confusion and with genuine love and concern for his brother and for the family. It was amazing and emotional and deep. It was also funny at times to hear him compare Darren with Godzilla and himself with Mothra. He also observed that Darren did not speak English...maybe he spoke another language.........and the conversation went on and on. I was able to talk about school next year...about how Darren's brain was different than his....that he learns different....and that he needs special teachers that understand him. We went around and took turns saying all the good things that Darren does, then we did the bad things. Trevor's major concern was that Darren did not have self control....he was truly perplexed by that. "Why did God make him like that?" It went on for at least 30/40 min.......and I was in tears listening to this wonderfully honest and insightful 5 year old perspective tell me that Darren was in his heart and "I know, I know mommia, I know Darren loves me too."
Darren is exhibiting some extreme behaviors in my book. Attention seeking, escape and compliance behaviors that are at a very high level OR due to various schedule changes and demands maybe I am seeing Darren's strengths and weakness in a new light. The way that I deal with Darren in our environment is one thing, but the mixture of situations that he is being exposed to now are bringing about more issues. I get it now more than ever. Know that I am aware and working on things....please be honest and forthright about behaviors that you are seeing. Hitting, kicking, scratching, laughing, door obsessing, and extreme silliness. Lisa and I are currently brainstorming some new ideas that we hope will be able to be carried out in each environment.
Don't get me wrong, one of the things I love about both my children is that they are emotional, they care, and I know that they are trying very hard in their own unique ways. As we approach kindergarten with new awareness and new growth I feel it's important for all of those that know and love them to be a part of this. I am learning too, and truly appreciate and welcome everyone's idea's, help, and support.
Hi everyone,
You all know me so well by now that I just have to be honest with you all. I am beginning to have a greater understanding of both of my children and their unique needs. I thankfully feel confident that if we can all communicate then we can all provide consistency for both.
I will start with Trevor. Honestly, I can't recall what actually started the conversation. I was sitting talking with Grandma about the behavior's that Grandma is seeing with Darren when I am gone on my weekend meetings. He is not listening and is not being compliant at all with grandma and daddy. This, along with the sports camps that he is participating in WITH Darren has started to bring new awareness.....Trevor and I are seeing a different side of Darren. A more realistic side.....maybe a more holistic side....and we are both trying to process it. Trevor, for the first time, really wanted to discuss it. I wish I could do it justice....but he spoke with insight and perspective and compassion and confusion and with genuine love and concern for his brother and for the family. It was amazing and emotional and deep. It was also funny at times to hear him compare Darren with Godzilla and himself with Mothra. He also observed that Darren did not speak English...maybe he spoke another language.........and the conversation went on and on. I was able to talk about school next year...about how Darren's brain was different than his....that he learns different....and that he needs special teachers that understand him. We went around and took turns saying all the good things that Darren does, then we did the bad things. Trevor's major concern was that Darren did not have self control....he was truly perplexed by that. "Why did God make him like that?" It went on for at least 30/40 min.......and I was in tears listening to this wonderfully honest and insightful 5 year old perspective tell me that Darren was in his heart and "I know, I know mommia, I know Darren loves me too."
Darren is exhibiting some extreme behaviors in my book. Attention seeking, escape and compliance behaviors that are at a very high level OR due to various schedule changes and demands maybe I am seeing Darren's strengths and weakness in a new light. The way that I deal with Darren in our environment is one thing, but the mixture of situations that he is being exposed to now are bringing about more issues. I get it now more than ever. Know that I am aware and working on things....please be honest and forthright about behaviors that you are seeing. Hitting, kicking, scratching, laughing, door obsessing, and extreme silliness. Lisa and I are currently brainstorming some new ideas that we hope will be able to be carried out in each environment.
Don't get me wrong, one of the things I love about both my children is that they are emotional, they care, and I know that they are trying very hard in their own unique ways. As we approach kindergarten with new awareness and new growth I feel it's important for all of those that know and love them to be a part of this. I am learning too, and truly appreciate and welcome everyone's idea's, help, and support.
A new page has turned. I see an awareness in Trevor that is fresh, and real, and good. I feel the passion in Darren's stubborn heart that keeps him fighting for attention, and love, and connection. At times I hate being the one that has to be so consistently firm with him when he is one of these "fighting" cycles. Inside I want to cry, but that would mean that I would be feeling sorry for him, and I refuse to do that. Darren is worth fighting for and with...he is smart and lovable just mixed with a little bit of pit bull:) And Trevor does not back down from this challenge either. He seems stronger and more determined with this new more holistic view of his brother...I will never in my whole life forget that night that his heart just opened. When he finally felt safe enough to ask the questions that he must have been wondering for some time now. Here I had been so worried about sitting down and talking to Trevor about Darren prior to Kindergarten.....and in that moment...it all just came to light. A miracle for sure.
