Happy Friday! Black-Eyed Peas Style

All I can say is: ENJOY!

HO HO HO Merry Christmas

Got our picture with Santa tonight. No line! It was great! Trevor obviously sat right down, but Darren hesitated for a minute...then plopped down on Santa's lap. And LOOK he is holding Santa's hand....too funny! This is definitely one of our best pictures with Santa. Happy Holidays!

Tis' the Season-BASKETBALL

In this video Trevor was around 18months old, possibly a little younger than that. We were all fascinated that this kid didn't miss many shots. At times he could shoot with one hand, or eyes closed and STILL make it. I actually showed him this video not too long ago because he tried to tell that he wasn't that good at basketball. You see, this is what happens with Trevor and I at the beginning of every sports season. We head outside to catch. or shoot, or throw the football. HE expects to be perfect from the get go. I know how to teach him how to be better than he can even imagine. SO, our stubborn forces collide. It usually ends in tears, one or both of us actually. When Trevor feels pressed upon, he comes back at you like a tiger. I admire that about him, he wears his heart on his sleeve. Even my calm and supportive attempts to perfect his shot are ORIGINALLY taken as criticism...and his feelings get hurt. As he shuts down...all the while grumbling, then....so do I. If I can't teach my own kid the lessons that I have learned...what the hell is wrong with me??? We both end up retreating to our corners...arms crossed and feet stomping. MATURE on my part:) But the fog always lifts. The next day...we are back at it and to my amazement...everytime...he has listened to every word. Then I witness the improvements with my own eyes....my heart whispers "SEE, Teamwork".

Hmmm...what would I do without Trevor? I honestly don't know. He is my dear and stubbornly sweet Italian boy. At times, I feel this 7 year old is wise beyond his years. At times, I wish I had his heart. At times, I want and need to put him in his place. But for sure, he has changed our family. When he is preforming in front of anyone that will listen, Mark and I look at each and shake our heads. When he makes plays on the field that seem uncharacteristic for a kid his age, we cheer from the cheap seats. I believe in this miracle. I have learned with Trevor that when dealing with issues: Head to Head can be a battle...more productive to go Heart to Heart.

Autism

I didn't know at the time that this little angel would change my world. I had never seen Autism at this age. There was so much I didn't know. At times, I still wish I didn't know. Dealing with Autism sucks, it really does. It's awful because you have this child, this beautiful loving child, and at times you don't know what they are thinking, feeling, or saying. Your heart aches to fill the gaps...but mostly, you learn to that you would do anything to make him happy. Yes, we are blessed to have a socially autistic child. He is so loving, thank god, because it is that love that saves his butt daily. Trevor and I had a "discussion" recently and he felt that I was being too tough on him in regards to baseball. I explained that I was teaching him, that I loved baseball and saw a future for him because he seemed to share the same love of baseball and possesses some solid skills. I told him that I correct him because I love him. He didn't quite get that concept until I reminded him how much I correct Darren on a daily basis. Again. I do so because I love him and expect a lot from him. And I do. But I never expect Darren to be "normal" I just expect Darren to be his best. I force him to use his words, not make sounds. I want him to follow rules and I follow through if he doesn't'. I want him to try to new things, be a part of society, so that he can teach others, not so that he conforms...so that others may learn. It isn't easy to take Darren places, it never has been, and maybe never will be. But that isn't going to stop me from trying. Yes, I get frustrated. I did so today in fact.

The boys had a day off and we headed to the Airplane Museum. We were having a wonderful time, until we ventured towards the observation deck. As we approached, I saw that we had to wait for the elevator to return allowing us to go up. Darren, instantly charged toward the button on the elevator...I grabbed him before he got there, but the lady working there turned toward Darren and said " well you young man may not be allowed up there". Now, I have had this feeling once before where Darren was younger. The old man at the Starbucks told him Santa was watching blah blah blah...and I left there in tears. Well, I turned to this lady and said that he was Autistic and he didn't understand that he had to wait. She interrupted me and said "then you should have had his hand". Excuse me???? "You try a day in MY shoes old lady" is what I really wanted to say. I am not using Autism as an excuse...I was sharing my soul, she obviously wasn't interested. Not all people that we encounter will be. That's life.

It isn't easy. Doesn't mean I don't love him immensely...it just isn't' easy. I feel like I have to have eyes on him 24/7. He is sneaky, manipulative, and non-stop. For example, he loves watching the toilet flush, he will pee small amounts just so he can watch the swirl. He won't leave the bathroom until the tank has filled. He spins anything and everything. I have found him with jewerly, lightbulbs, parts of a flashlight amongst many others. Mark says if the they had spinning in the Olympics, Darren would have a gold medal. True. There seems to be something calming in spinning. Darren also pays great attention to minor details. He is extremely focused in this one activity. I don't have all the answers, I probably never will.

The noises instead of words is what drives me crazy, and yet, there was a time that I thought he would never talk. Funny how expectations change. I guess I am so happy that he IS verbal, that at times I expect the moon. Maybe, I should delight in the sunrise.

And then there is this sweet boy. A boy that I KNOW loves me. Who looks to me for understanding, discipline, and love. My life may end up being dedicated to all of those things. HE didn't ask for Autism. None of us did. Life is just complicated sometimes. Autism is very complicated. It forces you, IT FORCES ME, to trust my gut, to speak my mind, to speak the words that I think Darren is thinking. It forces me to connect deeply with this child, to step outside of my comfort zone and be a different person. And this is just the how Darren has influenced me. Trevor is another can of worms:) I guarentee you all that all of this was NOT in any parent manual.

Darren IS love, but Darren isn't easy.

We Love You Great-Grandma

Last weekend Mark's grandmother passed away. Not only was this a tremendous loss for our family, it was a hard discussion to have with the boys. When the boys and I were driving home just as I had picked them up after having had the opportunity to have visited with Christine (along with Mark and other family and friends) in the hospital...I felt it only fair to warn Trevor. He is very sensitive and I knew this would hurt his little heart. Trevor kept asking, "Is she sick? Does she have a cold? Why is Daddy still at the hospital? Great-Grandma is the one with curly blond hair, right? " I explained that Great Grandma was very sick and that she might go to Heaven soon. He instantly broke out in tears, thus, so did Darren, and did I. We prayed that God would take care of her and that he would tell her how much we all truly loved her and would miss her. Yesterday we made this stepping stone so that we could always remember her. The stars glow at night, forever shining down on us all. We all feel so blessed to have had shared life with her. Her strength, presence, and unconditional love and support can never be measured, only truly appreciated. God bless you Christine, as you have blessed us all.

More Fall Fun

The boys love Mommy's wheel barrel rides!!!! Mommy's arms, shoulders, and back are not loving the rides though:) What a work out!!!!

Woo-Hoo!
Hide and Seek /He's safe!

WE are very excited about Halloween this weekend. Trevor is going to be Iron Man and Darren is going to be a Vampire. Happy Hallween to all!

Fall

Happy Fall! The boys and I headed to a Fall festival last weekend. This particular spot is known for its huge corn maze. I think it spans 2.5 miles. It also offered a good old hay ride and some fun slides etc, but relatively small scale in comparison to a Cox Farm. This made it easier to keep track of both boys and allow them a bit of freedom in choosing where they wanted to play. I must say that I was a bit nervous about tackling the corn maze. Typical me, I was expecting the worst, which meant visions of not being able to keep track of Darren and being surrounded by corn. Trevor, on the other hand, was extremely confident that it would be fine. So, I went with it, and it actually turned out to be pretty cool. Trevor took the lead and led the troops. He was very thorough and seemed to be calculating every turn. I was just making sure that we never got to far away from the people ahead of us:) But we successfully brought our flag home and Darren didn't get lost in the corn. Success!

Darren continues to be quite a character. Let's just say, you can't leave him alone for too long. He enjoys pouring your soda or coffee down the drain at the exact moment you are not looking. Darren equally enjoys hiding items in places that you would not quite expect...I went for a towel and I found my flip flops. It certainly keeps things interesting around here:) On a positive, now that Trevor has homework everyday, I have been making Darren do some homework as well. I have been very pleased with attention to the task, the improvement in his fine motor skills (writing, coloring, cutting), and his noticeable pride in himself when the task is complete. As always, if you are not quick to praise him, he will happily do it himself. A true character.

My little stud. Look at that stance! What a great season it has been. The Rattlers have taken the league by storm. They unfortunately suffered their first lost this weekend, but coach was great at pointing out to the boys the difficult nature of going undefeated in any sport. I thought that was a great lesson. The team has made great improvements. Trevor is such a gamer. He may not make every single play, but man, he tries so hard. He has really taken to the role of first base. Mind you, he's the youngest kid on the team, and yet...he gets the job done. During one game, the second baseman was only a couple steps away from Trevor and at the last minute tossed it into Trevor's face. Without thinking, I ran (literally) across the field. A parent made fun of me after:) but that's my boy, what was I supposed to do???! Trevor handled it great...well, he was doing well... then he was up to bat and grounded out. Suddenly the injury intensified:) He never sat out though (that's my boy). A couple games back, he hit an official double! He really likes baseball. Sadly, there is just one game left. Next up, Basketball season!